In the spirit of [the USA’s] Thanksgiving, I have a question I think is worth pondering. Why don’t we really thank people anymore? The word ‘thanks’ is tossed around the same way we automatically reply ‘good, thanks’ when someone asks how we are. It’s not a word of meaning, but a social ritual. This is not just a question about society, but also something to reflect on as a writer, because our characters are affected by society’s norms both through our impression of normal and the in-world norms.
NaNoWriMo: 5 Days Left!
So close! This is the final crazy sprint to the end. If you’ve finished already, congratulations! That’s epic. If you’re still writing, you can do this! Even if you don’t make it to 50,000 words, look at all the work you’ve done! Without NaNo I know I’d never be as far along on some of my own projects as I am now. Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself to something similar in a later month, either! Is December going to be “50,001 to The End” month? I’ll be looking at revising and editing in January as so many Wrimos do. Looking good!
Saying Thanks and Showing Real Gratitude
There’s a difference, as I mentioned first thing. We say ‘thanks’ reflexively these days, whether we mean it or not, and only when we’re directly interacting with someone. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard silence as people get off the bus, only to thank the bus driver on my way out and hear the two people behind me echo it. It’s like they needed a reminder that there’s a human being driving the bus, not a computer. Perhaps it’s a downside to the digital age where we’re all buried in our phones and computers.
I don’t know the reason why gratitude has waned, and to try and determine a factual reason is hard if not impossible. I’ll leave that sort of debate to the philosophers among us. Instead I would like to recommend contemplating when the last time you said thank you and meant it was. Did you show real gratitude, or was it offhand enough that the recipient maybe didn’t realize you were genuine?
Writing this made me wish for a utopian society or perhaps a historical one where there were
Writers: How Do Your Characters Show Gratitude?
If we have trouble saying thank you and meaning it, does that apply to your characters, too? If that’s just because you are used to tossing around the word ‘thanks’ but not due to a real reason appropriate to the setting, you need to fix that. No question. If the reason is similar to our digital age, where distance and intermediaries have broken our mental process, how do you differentiate between a quick ‘thanks’ and actual gratitude?
What behaviors do your characters have when they give and receive compliments? Do they desire compliments and come to expect them? Do they blush every time someone compliments them because they don’t feel worthy of it?
I would recommend, as a writer, taking mental notes next time you thank someone or compliment them. How did you behave? How did they? Are there any mannerisms that you could give to a character to deepen their characterization? Grateful, narcissistic, inferior, appreciative, embarrassed… there are a lot of adjectives that surround giving and receiving thanks, and it can be a tiny thing to add a phrase about a character blushing (or preening) at a compliment—but it can make all the difference in the world.
Marie Efromson 